I Missed You
by Daemi Charonte
Summary: Russia's feeling down about knowing America is spending so much time with England during the Revolutionary War. Depression, anger, jealousy, all wrapped in one. Plus a love that can't be broken.


Disclaimer: don't own hetalia which sucks. :/  
Warning: extremely light yaoi, just some cuddling. Plus some cussing, and a bit of a depressed Russia. Enjoy anyway and don't hate me.  
-Russian Snow

I Missed You...

Sleep, the only refuge in this fucked up world. I hated life, I hated everyone I knew. They never seemed to care. No matter who I went to, they didn't give a shit. There were only a few people that I could ever count on, although many were here against their will, and my sisters either are afraid or want to marry me. There was but one man who I could trust with everything, and believe in no matter what. He was adorable in every way and extremely hyper, but, no matter how stupid he acted, he was mine. America may be an egotistical idiot but he never ceased caring about me. I guess that's why I loved him. Even during my last break down when I had held the cold metal of a gun to my head with the full intention of ending it all right then and there, the thought of his smiling face was what tethered me to my sanity. Then that damn England started butting in.

That dick head makes it so I can't see him anymore. God, I sound like a little teenage girl instead of the giant country I am. I know he's doing this on purpose to piss me off, I know he is. On the rare occasions when I do get to see America we still enjoy each others company. We may be the two world s biggest super powers, but like every couple we enjoyed those moments when we would just hold each other, convince each other that we would always be strong and that all the world s problems could always wait for we had each other and that is what matters.

"Hey, Russia, you ok?" I was startled out of my thoughts by a small voice.

"Oh, Lithuania, didn't hear you come in. Da, I'm fine." I gave my usual smile in attempt to look happy. I actually felt more like a hollow shell than anything.

"No, you aren't. I can see it in your face there's something wrong. Tell me what it is," Lithuania looked at me pleading. He was one of the few I could still count on.

"Just feeling a bit down today. That's all," I smiled that half assed smile again and sighed looking down at the papers on my table.

"You miss America-san don't you?"

"Like I miss seeing my sunflower garden," which had wilted since fall started and it was now the dead of winter.

"Why don't you just call him? I'm sure he misses you too," Lithuania said handing me the phone.

"He's with that stupid England today. Today there talking over a new bill and treaties with each other" I said putting my head in my hands. 'You know he probably loves England more and doesn't care about you.' Oh, look, there's the depressed thoughts coming back. 'You know he probably isn't even thinking about you right now. And all those times he hugged you and kissed you were out of pity,'

"Russia, you look really depressed. I'll go get some hot coco with your favorite vodka in it. That sound good?"

"Da, thanks, Lith," I sighed and held back my tears. 'Or maybe he doesn't like the fact you drink so he avoids you.' It's plausible, but if he ever cared he didn't say anything. I put my head on my desk and let silent tears roll down my face. 'I bet he's out having a good time with England even with that war going on.' There was a knock at the door as Lithuania walked back in the room.

"Don't worry, I'll go get it." I stood and wiped my face as I walked to the door. "Da, who is it?" I said as I neared the door.

"It's America," he sounded troubled, considering that he didn't put 'DUDE' after his sentence. I opened the door and he nearly collapsed from exhaustion as soon as he stepped inside. He was covered in dirt, snow, and had a small cut on his cheek. I half assisted, half carried him to the couch.

"What happened? You look like shit," I said handing him another, alcohol-free, cup of coco. He took and sipped it looking as if he were going to pass out at any time.

"England just started goin' all crazy and went off on me, so I ran here. I didn't know where else I could go. He keeps treating me like a little kid," he sighed and hugged me. "I missed you, Russia. You're the only one who doesnt treat me like I'm still a little kid," he curled in close to my chest while sitting on my lap. His head head laid on my chest and for a moment I thought he had fallen alsleep as his breathing slowed slightly.

"I missed you too," I kissed the top of his head and held him in my arms. Times like these make me forget my worries, forget that nearly every country hates me, and forget that I ever felt un-loved by anyone. Lithuania walked in and saw us sitting on the couch like that. I heard him turn and walk away leaving us alone.

"Oh, England wanted me to tell you something," he said his voice muffled by my coat. I glanced down a little shock hat he was still awake. I wetted my mouth and attempted to answer.

"Da, what is it?" I asked unsure if I really wanted to know.  
"He said to tell you that you're a bloody wanker. I don't agree though," he snuggled in closer to my chest. "He's just mad that I would rather spend time with you,"  
I laughed and just sat there smiling. Yeah, this is how things should be. Even if England hates my guts, I have America who loves me.

A/N: I wrote this at one in the morning listening to My Chemical Romance. So it's probably complete crap considering I was supposed to be attempting to sleep. Don't be too hard on me. And a thanks to my dear friend who helped me with this. ^_^


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